Pizza Rollio
In elementary school, I had a friend whose mom would make us grilled cheese sandwiches as an after-school snack. She called them that: grilled cheese sandwiches. However, instead of putting the cheese in between two slices of buttered bread, where it belongs, and on to a hot skillet, where it should be grilled, she put it on top of a very thin tortilla. Then she microwaved it. It wasn’t even folded over, which would have been the natural move, especially when it’s being handed to a child; it was a goddamn open-faced insult to the Grilled Cheese. I hated it, at least partially because she was fraudulently declaring it to be something it was not, but I was like 7 years old, and my only option was to politely accept whatever was put in front of me. I did not yet know rebellion.
Now, imagine being an adult and going to pick up a pizza in New York Pizza City and being handed this weak-ass thing:
The above (from Manhattan’s Pizza Rollio) is allegedly “the thinnest pizza in NYC” (a brag?) — listen, it’s fine, the taste is not offensive, it’s just that it is not pizza. Show me the lie. Can that crust even work as a foundation for all those toppings? What happens when you pick it up? Am I possibly overreacting about all of this? I have an answer to one of these questions, and regret […]
